The Booze, Ooze, And Snooze Machine - LOL

I’ve come up with new contraption that will revolutionize parenting. It’s the new “Caffeinated Booze, Ooze, and Snooze!” It’s an intravenous system that can be adjusted to any mood. 

Just attach the apparatus and when you wake up in the morning, switch the button to ‘heavy dose’ on the caffeine knob and you’re wide awake in seconds. 

Is your boss giving you trouble? Go ahead and flick on the hallucinogenic knob and shazam, it oozes into your vein and you just don’t give a &#!% what he or she says anymore. This mode comes in handy when those pesky kids are driving you nuts, too. In severe cases, just shove the tube into their arms and out cold they go.

At days end when you’re all hopped up on caffeine and hallucinogens, just flick to the moon shine mode and you’ll be snoozing in seconds. 

But wait! Order now and get a free maladjusted crack smoking monkey!

*Warnings: Risk of non-survival has been recorded. Unemployment rate of users is 99.9%. Wanting to operate heavy machinery and driving a vehicle is wildly high. Life expectancy is 3 – 5 years after purchase. Keep totally IN reach of children.

www.sedate.clam

1-800-Buz-Fast


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Auto-Man Correct App

Men, have you ever done or said the wrong thing to a woman and have regretted it ever since? That might possibly be the dumbest question of all time – the answer is unequivocally YES!

Well then, my new app will spare you of these incidences. Simply strap the apparatus around your neck and click on the app.

Let’s say you see a woman with a large shirt on, but she is an XXXXL woman. You instantly start to say, “Nice shirt, got one that fits?” However, the second that thought was formed in your brain muscle, 20,000 volts was released into your body.

How about your wife saying that her face cream makes her look young and you attempt to say, “Does it work?”

Before you uttered a word it was ZZZZZZZT! And you were spared the lifetime memory of your would-be mistake.

I am a non-attorney spokesperson, and I disapprove this post.

1-800-ZZip-Zap (Fake number)
WWW.LoserBeDown.crumb (Fake site)
Inventor: (Fake inventor)

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